Killing Time with Tea
by flow13
Summary: Erik got arrested and was sent for psychiatric evaluation. While locked up he meets Anna and other people. Christine wants to stay in contact. What does Erik wish and decide? What does character development mean in this situation? Will the dynamic between Erik and Christine ever change? Present time setting. The story is influenced by the book, musical, TV production and movie.
1. Chapter 1

Staying, not pacing, nor waiting. He was not watching out for anybody. Not watching over… Christine. Thinking her name was like fishing. His mind was not occupied, he felt empty. Creativity has left him.

The door opened. "Mr. Destler, I talked to Dr. Fint. He hopes that you would attend group meetings at least 15 minutes on a regular basis. You didn't open up or got yourself connected with the other patients as we hoped you would. We expect that you will give it a try. At least you could attend and just listen."

Would he consider or even answer? How would he react? Erik was waiting as well. Moods… He felt not driven to rebel. This was not a challenge. They were used to his passivity, to waiting. Would they tell her what he was doing or avoiding to do? He started counting. She should not be on his mind at all. Christine_, lovely 9 (letters), why finally reaching out …_


	2. Chapter 2

He did not expect this. Was it all about tea? He chuckled. They were drinking, when not talking.

"My name is Anna. I am obtrusive but that's not it. Would you like some tea?" Was that girl kidding?

"There will be a longer break in about 30 minutes. Just hold on and maybe we could talk a little?" At least she could talk and smile at the same time, while filling her teacup.

"Killing time should end in 10 minutes. I will be gone before you know it." He watched Anna who was breathing all wrong.

"Why should you?" Long fingers, short nails, he noticed.

"Can you drink with your mask on?" Erik let his body relax, while he bit his tongue.

"How do you respond on being ignored?" he asked and turned around, facing crossed legs of the other patients.

He watched the group of people. Did they all want to talk? _Would he like to talk to… 1,2_,9,… In which way was Christine thinking about him. Was she thinking at all right now or just floating? Did she try to be consequent in her non- reaction? Could it be a sign of grown up behavior leading to something better? Well, he was not the one who could profit by this on the short way. Useless thoughts… _9,8,7…_

"You stayed." The girl. Same girl, same smile.

"Unintentionally." Erik answered. "I was thinking."

"You did not like it." Anna claimed before he left.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, Christine, finally watching the monster in its new zoo. Curiosity won out at last? Does your relationship need some new input and what will you feed me with?"

_Erik, it seems that she does not want to talk at all… Maybe we should try something else… Or just look at her… a picture to keep, to work with, to forget, to fight against… Ahh…_

"Dr. Flint was not allowed to tell me much. So you must tell me. Is the situation… acceptable?"

_Christine white and bright, look at her… Composed, maybe a little bit tired. Does she think she is doing the right thing?_

"Acting against your own morals, my dear or is this about saying goodbye? Thrill or final kill? How did you spend your time the last year? More bonding with your boy? I had a nice little time, plenty of time, Christine. Well, why coming back at all… after this long year? Nostalgia is overrated, isn't it? How dare you not to come here earlier?"

_Red cheeks now, a little trembling of the left hand. Face me._

"Tell me, why are you here? You are concerned, Christine. What do you expect me to say?"

_Welcome back, Christine… We had our time, Christine. Have a wonderful future, Christine… _

"Erik, you are out of your mind. I wanted to give us time to adjust, I needed to find out how to make myself stronger."

_Agitated now, still so sweet…_

"To strengthen your willpower? To say goodbye? To visit on a regular basis?"

"Erik, I hope that we could start all over again. If you could be my friend…"

_Still running, still compromising…_

"No, Christine, I don't want that anymore."

_You could lose her… You could win her… Don't, don't…_

"You never want what I have to give, Erik. I feel alone with all what I have to give to you. You could open up to what opportunities we really have. Don't give me the feeling that I am not enough, that I never can give enough, when I so much want to give what I have to give."

_The white wall behind her, so much white…_

"You cannot tell the words, Christine. You cannot live them, so you cannot protect the monster. I am starving; Christine and I better do so alone. Maybe you need me to need you. Maybe… the boy needs you too. You tell him that you love him? Tell me, Christine"

_Christine in my head talks, but the other Christine does not. Or is it the other way round? She has to go soon._ _We could have talked, really talked… she never will. _


	4. Chapter 4

Anna took off her shoes. Not for others to watch but because it made her feel comfortable. She sat down on a bench and watched a squirrel and some birds. When she heard Dr. Fint talk to some guests, she was still watching the animals interact. Anna smiled. Without looking up, it seemed like the animals were the talking group. She would love making friends with the squirrel but her pockets were empty.

"The gardens at St. Agnes turned out to have medical benefits… Some of our patients help in work therapy programs to care for the plants. It has a calming effect and it's good for them to be responsible. We also grow vegetables. But first I will show you l'art brut. Follow me please" Dr. Fint talked quickly but with enthusiasm.

The morning light was a challenge. Of course standing under the big trees and watching some of the sculptures were tolerable. Erik liked to feel the coolness that the shadow of the tree was offering; he liked to hide. Often he was lucky and could stay there in silence, without being interrupted. Sometimes he just didn't want anybody to look or even think about him. Not without him being prepared. On other occasions he could go back to indifference and didn't bother too much. He saw a group of people getting closer. They were followed by Thomas, one of the younger patients from another building. Nevertheless he often came by.

"Erik, I know where you are and I know your name. It's Erik. So you can come out, Erik" He looked proud and a little bit exhausted, probably from running away.

"Are you not supposed to be with your group, Thomas?" Erik asked without moving closer.

"Mr. Allington went smoking, so it's his fault. I got bored. There is no therapy today. Mr. Fint and Mrs. Powell are with the funding people." Thomas stepped under the tree.

"Who is Mr. Allington?" Leaning against the tree and breathing felt easy. He was not alarmed. This was just a boy who already knew his name. Erik almost smiled.

"The social worker. Erik, do you have sweets? And why does Anna write down what you do?"

"She does what?"


	5. Chapter 5

_Do you think that…? _

Who could know? Who knew her best?

_But what if there is nothing inside me that could tell at all? Is it really about finding people who read me like a book? How trustworthy could such an interpretation be?_

She could not ask him and she could not ask Raoul either. They were not really open to every possibility.

_I want truth. _

_I want something that is more reliable than myself. _

_The more I try to focus, the closer I seem to get, the bigger the loss. And it's not good to depend on team players sometimes. _

Christine's cell phone was ringing.

"It's Meg. Did you talk to him?"


	6. Chapter 6

Walking up the stairs he saw her. Erik started to quicken his pace but Anna was waiting anyway.

"I had a conversation with Thomas and decided to talk to you as well. Immediately…"

"So you do like talking today." She smiled at him. "What inspired you?"

He watched her closely. _Strange laughing eyes…_ Erik noticed.

"Stop that talk. Unfortunately I left him standing there without saying goodbye but I find it more appropriate to address my anger towards you. Why are you observing me?" She stared at him.

"I am drawing," she said after a while.

Erik stared back. "You tell me, that you observe me because you want to draw me?" He was laughing out loud now. "You are lying! Nobody would ever want that." He hissed, feeling his anger rise.

Anna held her breath. She could not tell him about the notebook but she would not lie again. "I am sorry. You are right. I don't draw people."

_She doesn't draw monsters… _

"Well, probably you don't draw at all, Anna. " Erik remarked.

"And why does Anna write down what you do?"

"Thomas!" Anna turned around to face the kid. Nobody was there.

"You look concerned. " Erik studied her face, crossing his arms. "Don't try to keep up with me."


	7. Chapter 7

When Raoul saw the animal shelter he gave a gasp of relief. It was still raining. He had come here several times before but without Christine it felt different. He stopped the car and watched his hands, which were still placed on the steering wheel. Raoul could feel goose bumps forming along his arms. Maybe he had caught a cold.

Christine had always been comfortable around the animals and although he liked walking the variety of shelter dogs it was more about watching her that had led to constant companionship. Christine had not answered her phone for the last two days and so he had hoped feeling closer to her by driving to the animal shelter.

Maybe he should call Meg and tell her that he was worried about Christine. Raoul hesitated. Sighing he grabbed a bag from the backseat and opened it. The buffalo bully sticks for dogs caught his eye. Christine had kept them for a while. He searched for the best- before date.

_Some time left… We should come here more often… _

Raoul coughed. His eyes brightened as he took some newspaper cuttings out of the bag. He remembered discussing the idea of moving in together. He liked those mornings, when he got lost in planning their future life. They had considered unlikely opportunities like living on a house boat and he had placed Little Lotte in different settings. Raoul had wanted to make her laugh and relax in view of this topic. In those moments they had been children again, imagining the adult world.

He had sensed Christine's yearning for a playful lightness and the chance to escape from bad memories. He had tried so hard…

_She was so willing to move on until she decided to look back. _

Raoul felt a lump in his throat. He remembered Christine cuddling up to this blind dog without a name. It had been their first visit at the animal shelter. Some days later she had found out that the dog had gotten a name. She had called Raoul at the office.

_Was it all about compassion?_

He thought hard but he couldn't remember the dog's name. However, he had not forgotten the warmth in her voice calling it out.

Raoul flipped through the old newspaper clippings. Flats and houses for sale or to rent... With one exception… He stopped.

_Humph…_

_Guess, I just found a very good reason to call Meg at once. He mumbled… _


	8. Chapter 8

Anna closed her eyes. It didn't matter at all because it was dark. She pressed her back against the door. The adrenalin was pulsing through her veins. Memories came floating- it was too dark inside her to consider them pictures. It was all about music. No, music had nothing to do with these kinds of memories, she corrected herself. Erik's voice could sound like music of course but this experience right now belonged to her past. Nevertheless she allowed her father's words to ring in her ears, memories in the form of words:

"What are you waiting for?" The words were cheering her on.

"How to deal with people who dominate the conversation?" She whispered back, chuckling.

"Sorry for mocking." Anna added, grinning.

_Wow I really am crazy. _She thought and shook her head, sighing.

"Insanity does not run in my family. It's more about temperament!" _Yeah, sounds like him._

_I should think about other ways to channel my creativity_, she thought.

It had been easy to get into Mr. Fint's office at night. Her father had taught her well in her youth. Nobody would ever know. Fortunately, she knew exactly where she had to look.

"That's my girl!"


	9. Chapter 9

Raoul's shopping list grew longer. There she was again, calling him:

"I can't find the avocado. You better bring one more and don't forget about the small red onion."

"Dancers and their healthy diet… I already feel myself coming down with a cold. It's too late for me, Meg."

"Don't act like the dying swan… Hurry up. We need to talk."

* * *

Raoul laid the table, when Meg entered the room, saying: "Have a seat. Et voilà, avocado and grilled corn salad with cilantro vinaigrette."

He liked Meg's apartment. It was small but had a beautiful view. He watched the big rocking chair, crowded with towels, DVDs and wool socks. Meg handed him a pair. "Keep warm and get well soon."

"Thank you, Meg. You're a good friend, to both of us." Raoul cleared his throat. "She does not answer her phone. Did she talk to you?" He's afraid of hearing the answer, Meg thought.

"I called her, after she saw Erik."

He stood up. "Meg, I can't help it. I hate him. I still do." Raoul chose the chair next to her. In spite of his words, Meg saw no anger in his pale face. He looked small and scared.

"Sometimes I see him in my dreams. You know that he wanted to kill me, Meg. I really thought he would. I was so close to dying. She thinks I am weak, I suppose. 'Live with those dreams. He rarely sleeps at all. We cannot even imagine what he went through.' That's what she says… But it's him who traumatized us. Her adoration for him is sick. Maybe it's unconditional. Let him kill and terrorize, he is forgiven everything... I do not want to hate him but when I see what he has done to her, to us… He's her 'poor Erik'; his dark fate, his sad story come in handy for manipulating. This man hates mankind… He needs power and control… "

"Raoul, it's not helpful to judge but I understand that you feel alone. What do you need, what could help to create a balanced life, with or without Christine?"

"You sound like a doctor, Meg. "

"Sorry. Too much heartache and reading about letting go, I suppose…" Meg laughed, apologetically.

His right hand played with the fork. "No, it's okay. I am glad that you are listening. Well, I want to feel unique, safe, loved. I am not a genius but I never killed, blackmailed... I deserve a normal life. " He stopped and looked miserable. "I know what I need: I want it to be over. I want to relax, to forget. I want her to forget too and I never want to hear his name again." He sighed.

Raoul went to the kitchen. "Want some coffee? I have to tell you about that newspaper clipping, I found. I was shocked."


	10. Chapter 10

"You are climbing higher. You feel the warmth of the sun on your arms…"

"Dr. Powell, I hope you know how to wear a backpack." Joanne giggled.

Anna tried not to laugh. "Joanne, you are not allowed in here. I'll be with you soon." She whispered.

Her sister shouldn't be here on her own. Where was Ricardo?

Dr. Powell suppressed a yawn. It was Sunday and the guided meditation was more for relaxation. Some were even reading or playing cards.

"Anna, tell us what you see."

"I see the sky. " _I will tell her what she wants to hear… _She thought about Joanne. _It's been such a long time…_

"It looks beautiful. The wideness of the sky is amazing but now it's getting windy."

She a short moment she heard the wind blow. Anna opened her eyes.

"It's raining." She told Dr. Powell, trying to grin. She had decided to leave.

Anna almost stumbled on Erik. _How could he get so close, without me noticing? _A shiver ran through _her._ There was a time when he was not allowed to walk around freely. _I never saw him then_.

_You know that others did see him… hear him. _

Anna was eager to get out of the room and did not wait for Erik's reaction.

* * *

_Now it's time for elephant hunting… _

She had fallen in love with the blue stuffed animal at first sight, spending much more time in the little gift shop since then. She hoped that Joanne would like it. The blue elephant looked similar to those on Joanne's pajama. Anna entered the shop.

"Here you are again." A middle aged woman with dark messy hair smiled at her.

"Hello, Lorna, always busy?"

"Over the weekend I rearrange a little, so I can sleep longer on Monday morning. Want some pocket coffee?" Lorna stopped shifting boxes and tipped her head up.

"Not today, thank you. I know its Sunday, but my sister came for a visit and I would love to buy a gift for her."

"Don't bother. You can pay tomorrow." Lorna chuckled. "I know what you have in mind. I saw you watching that elephant." She went to the store shelf next to Anna.

"You never bought it, so I thought you felt too old to collect stuffed animals." Lorna winked at her.

"It's my sister who has a crush on elephants. I really miss her. If I don't buy it now, I'll never have another chance. She is growing up much too fast. Of course, I am exaggerating a little." Anna blushed. "We've been through a lot…"

* * *

Anna left the shop, swinging a gift bag. She almost ran to the visitor's room, only to find it empty. A squatty man sat beside the door, holding a newspaper. It looked old.

"I am looking for my sister, a nine- year -old girl. She's got dark eyes and long black hair."

He shook his head slowly. "I wonder what time it is."

Anna watched him closely. Obviously he was not in the right state of mind to answer her question. So she left and went to the cafeteria, which was crowded and noisy. She half- expected to see Joanne and Ricardo sitting at one of the green tables but she was wrong.

_Book shop… restrooms…garden seating areas… prayer room…_

_Joanne, please let me find you quickly! _

After leaving the art & craft rooms Anna went to the gym. It was locked. She felt exhausted and a little bit dizzy. Most of the other visitors were leaving already.

"_Maybe they went home without telling me. I'll definitely convince Dr. Fint to allow me a cell phone!"_

Back in her room Anna opened the window. She felt trapped. She felt as if it was all her fault. Anna sighed and sat down on her bed. She wanted to be reassured that everything would turn out to be fine. Anna took her pillow and touched it, punched it. Then she removed the pillowcase and starred. The notebook was missing as well.


	11. Chapter 11

Raoul looked in the fridge, taking out the milk.

"Maybe we should choose tomato juice over coffee, Meg!"

She entered the kitchen, a puzzled look on her face.

"You found juice in there?" Meg almost disappeared into the big fridge.

He thought about Gretel, who had managed to push the witch into the oven. He had seen Humperdinck's opera with Christine and Meg in December…

"No, but I like tomato juice when I am taking a flight. Would you please come with me? Don't be a witch." He smiled small and stopped stirring the spoon in his coffee.

"Raoul, what the hell are you talking about?" Meg rolled her eyes and considered throwing a cold pack at him.

He reached into his pocket and took out the newspaper clipping. "Read this!"

Raoul walked back to the table and sat down, waiting for Meg to join him. She didn't.

"Wait for me. You can sleep on the coach." Meg left before he could protest.

She was eagerly willing to let Christine know that she was worried. Meg tried to call her several times, before texting her continually:

**Meg: **Christine, you can call me back, I am alone.

**Meg: **We are worried. Raoul found that newspaper clipping.

**Meg: **This is not like you.

**Meg: **Usually, you don't leave without telling anybody.

**Meg:** Raoul wants to fly to that Mr. Anderson.

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

No answer. The silence weighted heavily on Meg. It was late and she had to wait a long time until the bus arrived. It seemed as if she was the only person, who was determined to go somewhere. Meg looked through the scratchy bus window. The rain had emptied the streets and suddenly she felt unreal and sad for her friends.

**Meg**: I'll stand in front of flat 31 in about minutes.

The idea to use Christine's spare key had come to her mind before but it had felt like spying on her best friend's life and so Meg had dropped the idea. She wanted to spy now.


	12. Chapter 12

The children were sitting on the floor, barely daring to breathe. The light turned off and Thomas stood up, carefully moving a big cardboard sign in his hands.

"You have to hold it higher, don't be stupid." Sarah was yelling at him.

Thomas decided to ignore her. He felt the others come closer.

"It works; the painting is glowing in the dark. I told you." Thomas declared solemnly.

They stared at the words, whispering to each other.

**The Magical Puppet Show **

**St. Agnes Kids Club**

Erik switched the light on, while Thomas was speaking.

"I proudly present you Erik Destler, our new honorary member! His job is the paint stuff and he will help us with the special effects. He owes me a favor."

Thomas introduced Erik proudly, waving at him. The children were applauding.

"We have a guest today. She is a new friend of Erik and her name is Joanne." Thomas continued and beckoned to Joanne to come closer.

"She is from outside… " Sarah protested, peering warily at the new girl.

"I guess we can trust her. Her sister lives here." Thomas explained a little bit annoyed now.

* * *

Anna closed the window and drew the curtains. Her body was shivering, as the cold air was still lingering in her room.

_I want it to go away…_

"My my my, such a loud thinking. You are making the walls bend."

Anna was almost jumping, when the door opened and closed within seconds. She dared not to look up, wringing her hands.

_Maybe this is not real… _

"Our mind is a great gift. Don't strain it too much, Anna. I can offer you answers and solutions. Erik knows a nice little game. Would you care to play with Erik?"

Anna moved closer to the door.

"Maybe not tonight, Erik."

He stepped in her way, staring down on her maliciously.

"Oh, but you should. Let's rewrite time. Just relax a little. Do you remember that guided meditation? Dr. Powell did not give his best. How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10?

10, 9…, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1? You failed, Anna. I challenge you to improve. "

Anna felt strange. She wanted to sit down.

_Or did he just tell me to sit down? _

"Go back in time, Anna: 10, 9…, 8! You were standing at the window, when the walls started to bend. Oh, Anna did not like that. So you need Erik to make it right. 7,6, the walls bend now and we leave. Come with Erik."

His voice was so close to her ear and it was not. It was leading her away. Anna did not want it to leave. She felt guided and save. Nothing would disturb her peace of mind. He was spinning a cocoon out of ideas mixed with emotions and music. She heard herself talking as well. They were sharing their thoughts. They were sharing this!

_above…beyond…in and out… _ _This is all I wish now._

Anna's breathing had often felt small, suppressed and inadequate. Sometimes she had panicked under stress, waiting for suffocation. Her father had sent her to medical experts in her youth, who could help to a certain extent.

"I can breathe freely now! "

_Climbing again…_

Erik's counting voice brought her back to perceiving structure and form. Anna knew the scenario before her inner eye. It was the same landscape she had seen in Dr. Powell's guided meditation.

She saw herself running in circles, laughing but she was a child then. She was with her father and her friends.

"Stand up now, Anna. Tell me what you see. "

Erik moved and she could smell a mixture of mint- like scent and herbal soap. Or maybe he was burning something. Anna could not tell. She felt absorbed through visualization.

"He is waiting. I am running. I am running in his arms. He is so strong and picks me up. 'Stretch and fly', he says. I can see my friends."

"But I can't. Make me fly." Anna begged.

Erik froze, when Anna grabbed some of his fingers lightly. A child's grip, he thought.

She sensed his discomfort and panicked.

"He will let me fall. I know that he will."

Anna clenched her fists and bit her lip.

"It's windy again. I am cold. It was not supposed to be cold." Anna stated stubbornly.

She felt the wind play with her hair, silently. This time she could hear nothing at all. Then his voice came back to her:

"Be the gardener and create as you wish."

Anna put her arms around herself. She could hardly concentrate on anything else but her fear.

"Here is no garden. It's dark and I will fall."

"Just allow yourself to choose the best outcome of this situation." He suggested.

"You mean I can make a choice? But I feel like… nothing. This is such a strange dream."

Anna felt ashamed for telling, for doubting, for being just a child. She could never live up to anybody's expectations.

"Select the best option. In this state of mind you can be powerful. Use your imagination, be playful. "

She would try, Anna told herself. Creativity was her old friend. Only now she felt so empty and weak. Anna was determined to make a change.

"Help me!"

„I will."

Anna tried to remember the rush of everything she had ever loved doing. It was just too much. She got confused.

"Right now, I can't see anything. It's dark. "

"Focus on a single detail."

"My father…"

"Describe… Just watch and work with what comes along."

She was still shivering, slightly but her face looked heated. Her black hair was falling over her tense shoulders.

"I want him to put me down. I tell him but he doesn't listen. He is so tall. "

"No self-sabotage. Do you truly wish to succeed? So in love with status quo? Avoiding the unknown? Benefitting from staying a little longer? What motivates you?"

"Don't push. "

"Fine. He could be younger in your mind, smaller, more understanding or you could become more powerful. You've got a limited supply of willpower? So change that first and then simply do what's appealing to you."

"I did."

"You did?"

"I told him that I love him and then I imagined going away. It was difficult. He is my father nevertheless but it's good to make my own decisions and to choose. It's good to leave the situation, when I feel not save or overwhelmed. And I saw my friends encouraging me. "

_A dreamlike state and yet so real... This is like opening doors. Others are closed. It doesn't seem to matter at all. _There was inner space, without a limit at the beginning…

"I am glad that I could fix your breathing and stimulate your creative thinking. As a thankful pupil you will gladly repay your teacher. I want you to remember your sister now again."

Erik clapped his hand.

"Of course, there will be no need for me to show your mind what I am capable of, when my patience is wearing thin. "

He added: "You learnt to start managing your mind but never underestimate my various talents. Your sister is fine and will be if you cooperate. She should be with that man right now. Ricardo is his name? Where is the notebook?"

"I thought you took it." Anna said quickly.

_Erik made me forget Joanne! No one else could or would do that to me… Did he lead his enemies into horrible visions and cause them pain without even touching? The danger of emotional drowning… _

"I did not."

"Lead me out of this state and then we will talk."

Anna tried to open her eyes. She could see that he was not pleased. His eyes lay heavy on her. Erik took his time and then he agreed.

She was thirsty but felt a strange kind of calmness settle in, far from mental numbness. Anna had expected to feel worn out and angry but after a short moment of introspection she could tell that she did not, not now.

_This must be shock or denial… I can't tell for sure. _

Erik studied her warily.

"How do you feel?

Anna stared back, her black eyes growing wide. What a strange question for him to ask.

Maybe they could walk downstairs and drink some tea during their conservation. She pondered over the matter.

_How bizarre…_

"I am not quite sure. When…" The door swung open, interrupting her.


	13. Chapter 13

Christine's world had been many things for Meg, all in all a bright alternative to burdens of everyday life. She had proven a wonderful friend on many occasions. When Meg had faced difficult times at the theatre, she had often visited Christine after rehearsals. Diana Greene, the leading dancer, had quit her career because of an eating disorder and Marianne Smith had gotten pregnant, which had led to a complete reorganization and confusion among the dancers. Meg disliked the competition and spreading rumors and Christine had perfectly understood.

When Meg entered Christine's apartment she felt at home. She liked the furniture arrangement and the little lamps. Christine had bought them in different places- on flea markets, in antique shops and also via ebay. They were old and Christine had made up stories to each lamp, one night in summer, while Meg was watering her plants. Meg did not have a green thumb and so there were no plants in her own apartment but she liked Christine's little jungle balcony. They had laughed a lot, having the balcony door wide open because of the heat.

The apartment was next to the street but on the eighths floor you could not hear much of the traffic. After the trial and after being separated from Erik, Christine had told them that she would never sing again. She had added that she would maybe sing in church but Meg could not remember her going there. Christine had taken on a job as ticket seller at a cinema and had helped out at a small bakery. Meg knew that Christine had difficulties to work at all but it had given her structure and money.

Meg opened her purse to find the two little prayer cards that Christine had given her many month ago, showing Saint Michael the Archangel and Saint Denis, the Patron against headache. Christine had brought her the last one together with two large bottles of water, telling her that she should drink much more, for preventing migraine. Meg smiled, remembering her in those days. Sometimes her friend had shown this nurse- like behavior but she really was helpful.

Meg sat down on Christine's breakfast chair, which she had painted in different colors. Maybe for boosting her mood in the mornings, Meg thought. Christine had never liked to get up early.

Should she tell Raoul what she was doing? Meg had not wanted to but now she did not even know what she was looking for. Maybe Raoul could be a help.

"It's me. I am calling from her place, Christine's apartment. I used the spare key. "

She heard him sighing.

"May I come too? I couldn't sleep at all."

"Do it."

Meg started walking around, waiting for Raoul to join her. She saw more books than bookshelves. Some were written in different languages. Meg went through the pages and found some Post- it notes with vocabularies. Maybe Christine had read them with Erik.

It did not take Raoul long but to see Meg open the door instead of Christine was painful.

"Thanks for coming. Her fridge is empty." Meg tried to ease the atmosphere.

"So, you would say that she planned to leave?" Raoul entered the floor.

"Some of her clothes are gone. I couldn't find her trolley either. No cell phone! So there is no excuse for Christine not to answer her calls. Unless…" Meg paused and looked at him, feeling uncomfortable.

"Unless something has happened to her…" His heart clenched.

"Well, maybe you are right and she went to that training workshop but I really can't see her… practicing… And she doesn't have any money."

"You can't imagine how I felt, when I found that newspaper clipping. Could it be him?"

"No! I've heard from that guy before. He was on Television. Raoul, Erik is at St. Agnes, he cannot leave."

"You can never know, you can never know." Raoul muttered, laying his head in his hands.


	14. Chapter 14

Mr. Anderson placed the tissue box on the desk, looking around and making notes in his head. They would need much more of these boxes. The participants had always cried during the workshops.

"Florence, why are the lights so bright in here and where are the flowers?"

"You are a little bit early Mr. Anderson. Everything will turn out fine." Florence smiled at him sweetly, trying to lead him out of the large room.

"You are right, it's time for a shower and a good massage." He left.

_Tissue boxes… _

Mr. Anderson remembered Bob, his eldest son, who had decorated tissue boxes in kindergarten. He was very proud of him and hoped Bob would follow in his footsteps.


	15. Chapter 15

The three stared at each other, making no sound. For some seconds they all wished to avoid talking. Thomas was looking on the floor. Soon he walked over to Erik, looking embarrassed.

"There is a problem. Michael ran away and he said he would never come back again. We didn't tell anybody yet."

Thomas' blonde hair was falling in his eyes and his face was dirty. Anna noticed scratches on his arms and asked:

"So the two of you got in a fight?"

Thomas nod.

"Erik, would you please come with me and talk to Dr. Miller? He is responsible for us."

Erik looked at him quizzically. "I could." He said dryly and continued after a pause:

"Thomas, you should have asked me to find that boy. You have strange priorities. Why did you put the wrong question? Anna, will you come with me? Let's hunt down the runaway."

They both looked at him terrified and he laughed unhappily.

"Both of you have secrets you want to keep. It is annoying. Before we go into this, I just want to know, if you took Anna's notebook, Thomas."

"I swear I did not!" Thomas almost cried out in outrage.


	16. Chapter 16

Meg took a sip from her tomato juice, trying to take a photograph out of the plane window. She needed to put her enthusiasm in action.

"It could cost my job. I don't feel ill at all." She did not seem too concerned.

"You will. We spend so much time together." Raoul did not tell her that he felt much better. His cold had almost left.

He was skipping through magazines, lost in thoughts that had no relation to the articles. They were both happy with their decision and optimistic about putting the pieces together in time.

"Probably we are overreacting. It's crazy but…"

…_she is crazy as well! _

Meg fell in silence and Raoul looked up quizzically. He ate the rest of his chicken sandwich, noticing that her mood had switched.

"I should not think the way I do. It's great that we are flying to Europe but the reason is so odd. I mean, she really gets herself into trouble with how naïve she can be at times. We care and she doesn't give a damn."

They were not looking at each other. Finally Raoul let out a sigh of relief.

"I share your opinion. She does not take any responsibility. It's difficult to admit but sometimes I feel ashamed for her. Wow that came out wrong!" He wished that he could just stand up and leave.

They both blushed and looked at each other helplessly, wondering how to proceed.

Meg cleared her throat. "We love her but we must talk to her. Maybe she never got over her father's death. That would explain everything, would it not? I mean, we found out that she pawned her engagement ring. Probably she did that because she wants to talk to her father's spirit, right? I mean, what else could be the reason to go to a psychic medium training workshop in Europe?"

"We still do not know that for sure." Raoul closed his eyes.

"Come on. You found that newspaper clipping and what about the calendar entry? She booked a flight."

Meg watched the family seated at the left side of the plane. The woman's head rested on the shoulder of the man. Now she looked up to an elderly woman who was handing out biscuits to the children.

"I watched the children's lego boat take shape. My name is Elizabeth." She told the parents with a smile.

"We want a plane." The little girl explained and tried to write down the word with her wax crayon. It did not work out well and she threw it towards her brother.

Raoul opened his eyes. "He has deceived her and now she wants to be deceived again?"

"Somehow I can't imagine that she believes in Mr. Anderson. I don't want to." Meg told him, picking around in her fruit salad.

"Oh, you go to the show as well?" Elizabeth leaned forward in her seat to have a better look at them.

"Um… The show?"

_What else did she hear?_

"Yes, the show at the end of the workshop. The participants will show what they have learned. There will be a great amount of controversy surrounding the event. The supporters will attend the show as well as the skeptics. "

She offered them some of the biscuits.

"We only read about the workshop. What do you think about Mr. Anderson?" Raoul was curious to hear the answer.

"I can't say yet if he will convince me. We have to wait." Elizabeth winked at him before her attention went back to the children. Raoul felt a little bit disappointed.

"So tell me about your plans. Where shall we look out for Christine? I did not expect much hype over the workshop." Meg asked him with a nervous smile.

"I talked to a Florence Winter over phone, probably his secretary. She signed us in. Unfortunately we missed the first two days. She was not allowed to tell if Christine's name is on the list."

Meg stored her tray- table. "You did what? You could have asked me. I will never go to the workshop." Raoul shrugged his shoulders.

" No prob, but I will."


	17. Chapter 17

There was no wall clock in the office. Dr. Fint was not important now. She had no time for this. Joanne had lost her watch on holidays once, Anna remembered. They had found it on the floor of the rental car. She could not see if Dr. Fint was wearing a watch. Anna leaned forwards a little. Was that an alarm clock on his desk next to the Rubik's Cube? No. Did his computer clock display the correct time? Probably Dr. Fint will not allow the session to overrun, she supposed. 45 minutes…

Erik and Thomas had left together yesterday. Thomas had not wanted her to listen.

She could tell Dr. Fint about her need for a cell phone.

_I can't do that now. _

"Anna, do you not feel well?" Dr. Fint watched her in concern.

_I have to say something._

"Dylan came to my mind, yesterday, when I heard people talk. Sometimes I want to give up so badly. I don't want to find out that nothing ever changes. Life is like a waiting room. "

Dr. Fint took off his glasses and forgot to clean them.

"Life is change, Anna. Give yourself more time. It's likely that this state of uncertainty will pass."

Anna felt restless and wanted to move. " But what about now? I have to stay realistic about everything. Hope can kill."

"Maybe not all of your expectations are realistic but it's not realistic at all to expect no improvement." Dr. Fint tried to look as optimistic as possible.

_Like a big smiling moon… A friendly one... _

"Growing in the dark, hem? It's painful and I just want to know the outcome of this all. I am not a patient person and just want to speed up the healing process." Anna chewed her lips.

He just nod and wrote something down. Then he picked up an envelope from the top of the desk. She could see his watch now.

"I found this on my desk, in the morning. It's addressed to you. Your father has left it with a note, in which he asks for an appointment. He wants to see you as well."

* * *

Their gaze met when she left Dr. Fints's office. Anna held up the notebook and the envelope. Hiding it could only delay the same outcome. He was much too eager to get the notebook and find out for himself. She wanted to talk to Erik but what would that mean exactly? Yesterday she had planned to talk to him openly, maybe still under the influence of his previous attempts to work on her mind but now she needed some time to think over it and let everything sink in. Dylan was back in her mind as well. Erik's words had triggered her. Nevertheless, Anna was much more willing to hear about Erik's conversation with Thomas than to talk about her father and the notebook.

He walked to her. Anna liked the black and white in his outfit.

"How went your conversation with Thomas?"

"He told me his secret. Got your notebook back?" Erik spoke in a calm voice.

"Yes." She stated simply. He could not read her face.

"Well, who told you to take notes?" He asked and took the notebook from her hands.

_He would read it all…_

Anna thought hard.

Then a word slipped from her mouth.

"Christine"


	18. Chapter 18

Meg was pacing in her hotel room. Her mind was fixed on Raoul. He had promised to call her from the workshop, but nothing happened so far. In an attempt to focus more on herself she had gone to the hairdresser in the hotel lobby. Afterwards Meg had pondered leaving the building but it was difficult to make plans in their situation. She was watching out of the window, when Raoul called.

"Meg, how shall I put it? Christine has never attended the workshop. I talked to the other participants."

By the sound of his voice she felt extremely sorry for him. She was in a lack of words.

"Let's talk, when I'm back." He said and ended.

Meg called herself stupid for texting Christine again but it was her way to contribute. She wanted her to know that they were close.

_But obviously we are not!?_

Meg needed to get out of the room and decided to wait in the foyer of the hotel. When she saw Raoul she immediately let out a scream and started running to him.

"Raoul, you're bleeding!" Her eyes grew wide, when she saw the wound at his head. He held on to the arm of a tall girl with a blond pixie hair cut.

"He needs to go to hospital but he insisted to come here first. My name is Laura. Maybe you can fetch some of his things, just in case he has to stay there," she said.

With trembling knees Meg walked to the hotel reception.

* * *

"Good news!" Raoul mumbled and sat up in his hospital bed.

"Yes, they stitched the wound and probably you can leave tomorrow. I heard you talk to the doctor but it's still a concussion. You should lie down." Meg said, reentering the room.

"Yeah, but that's not what I am talking about. Where's Laura?" He closed his eyes.

"She is waiting at the cafeteria and will tell me what happened. Just rest and get better. I was a nervous wreck when I saw you, weak and bleeding," she sight.

"Thank you, Meg, for everything. We will talk tomorrow?" Raoul opened one of his eyes.

She nod and smiled at him. To leave him now was the best she could do but it felt not right. Nevertheless she walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind her.

* * *

With a coffee in her hand Meg joined Laura in the cafeteria.

"Hey, thanks for waiting and for being such a help! Did you attend the workshop today or where did you meet Raoul?"

Laura was eating a pink cupcake, pointing at a plate. "Help yourself. "

"No, I don't participate in mediumship and I am not a student of occultism," she said, half- grinning, half- serious.

Meg waited for her to continue, while taking small sips from her coffee.

"We have an information stand and hand out flyers. You can look at one, if you like to. Here you are"

" 2 Corinthians 11: 13- 15, Ephesians 6: 11-12, Deuteronomy 18: 9-12a… You quote the bible?"

Meg asked and rose an eyebrow. Laura seemed to be a nice girl but Meg did not like any indoctrination.

"I do but not all of us are Christians. We are a group of people who think Mr. Anderson is doing wrong. In the show he wants to reveal the dark side of dead politicians and artists. It's not correct ethically. He says that he is not an illusionist but claims to have real power. That's arrogance and hubris. Such a hype…"

Laura shook her head in concern.

"Maybe that's just part of the game? But in a way I can understand you," Meg stated.

"Raoul came to the information stand today and asked if we had seen Christine. He had her pic in his cell phone. I think I saw her, but you can never know. I will talk to Dave. He was with me yesterday. Raoul will send him the picture."

Meg looked at her agitated. She could not hold in her curiosity.

"How did she look like and what happened to Raoul?"

"She is quite a beauty, right? Small, maybe a little bit timid? Raoul was hit by a bottle. Maybe some of Anderson's haters threw it because Raoul attended the workshop. Or Anderson's supporters thought that he belongs to our group. We had problems with them before. There are fanatics on all sides. "

* * *

**Raoul: **Thx for texting back. You are sure?

**Dave: **Yes. It's her.I quoted to the girl.

**Raoul: **?

**Dave: **2 Corinthians 11: 13- 15

**Raoul: **Did she talk back to u?

**Dave: **Guess, she was joking.

**Raoul: **What did she say?

**Dave: **Beware of angels.

* * *

Life was easy. The headache had ceased and the medication was fine. It felt good to leave the hospital behind. He thought about Erik. How was his life like? Did he still love Christine? Did Christine still love Erik? Raoul felt lightheaded but he didn't mind. He closed his eyes and opened them again. It was important to let the sunshine in. He stared directly into the light.

"Raoul, what are you doing?" Meg was up on her feet.

"I want you to look at me," she screamed.

"I can't. Don't stop me. Mr. Anderson said that we are all one. So everybody has potential. We were sitting to build power. I have to rise the vibration. Without power the manifestation does not work. I have to do it my way."

"Raoul, what are you talking about?" She put her hands over his eyes and he let out a sigh.

"You don't even believe in Mr. Anderson, Raoul. I don't understand."

"It's the workshop. Mr. Anderson tried to lead us into a much higher and faster energy. It's like a quickening of the energy, it's fast and vibrant. He also helped us to slow ourselves down, afterwards. Right now, I wanted to do it on my own. I guess Christine experienced this higher frequency with Erik, while singing or whatever else they did. "

Meg let herself fall into the grass. She felt exhausted and overwhelmed. She wanted to remember the smell of cut grass and eat the biscuits of her grandmother. Since when had life become so difficult?

_We have to buy him sunglasses…_


	19. Chapter 19

The name was out now and Anna wanted to see it all. Maybe his reaction could speak to her. She did not turn away her gaze and heard him hold his breath. Anna moistened her lips nervously. Erik's eyes were burning into her but the silence came unexpected. Finally he took Anna by her wrist and started walking. She did nothing to stop him and concentrated on figuring out where they were going. The elevator took them downstairs. They passed the clinic laundry and walked through basement corridors, until they reached the store rooms. Erik opened one of them with a key. Anna wanted to ask where he got the key from, when she saw the boy, lying in an old hospital bed. Thomas stood beside him with his eyes on the IV bag. The room was large and filled with obsolete equipment.

"It's time for you to go upstairs, Thomas."

Erik held up the door for him. The boy's face looked empty.

"Why did you bring her here? I don't like that," he said, his voice shaking slightly.

"Anna is in desperate need of talking. The matter bears no delay but she won't tell a thing about this situation. Am I right in my assumption? " He did not let go of her wrist.

His palm was cold, even through the fabric of her sleeve, she noticed.

"I don't know that yet. This is Michael? He needs to see a doctor."

Anna finally loosened her wrist from Erik's grasp and walked closer to the bed.

"He is in perfect care."

Anna ignored his voice in her back. She turned to Thomas.

"When you came to us, yesterday, you wanted Erik to talk to Mr. Miller. Hiding Michael is not Mr. Miller's idea, I guess."

"It seemed to be a good idea to tell Mr. Miller that Michael ran away forever, when I thought I had killed him," Thomas explained.

"Oh."


	20. Chapter 20

„Raoul?" Meg was knocking on his hotel door.

"I am sorry, Meg," he answered through the door.

"I behaved weird. Blame it on the concussion, the medication or the whole situation. It's embarrassing to think back. I freaked out and put you in all these situations. I slept a lot and feel better now." Meg could barely hear him.

Raoul had left his shoes in front of the room. They stood on the green carpet which looked like grass, in the dim light of the hotel floor.

"Great, could you please open the door?" Meg looked at the door expectantly.

"I'll meet you for breakfast," he shouted from the shower.

She sighed and smiled at the girl next to her, taking her hand.

"It's so good to have you back with us but don't think you can get away with this easily. I want to understand but probably you have to talk for hours. You really mixed up our lives."

Christine could see all the different emotions in her friend's eyes. Meg had not decided yet on which to act on.

"Oh Meg, where shall I begin? Maybe you want to continue? You said that…"

"No! Just tell me." Meg interrupted briskly.

They decided to have a walk, before breakfast. There was no time to go to the park and the streets were crowded.

"Maybe I can ask questions," Meg suggested.

Christine pulled back her hand, putting a curl behind her ear.

"You can. I was interrogated at court as well."

"Oh, Christine, that's long ago. " Meg hugged her.

"Yes."

"You disappeared after you met Erik again. You never really told me what happened between the two of you on that occasion."

Christine stopped and pretended to do window shopping. Meg watched their reflection and when she looked up Christine's gaze had darkened.

"He does not want me in his life any longer," she said bitterly. For a short moment she laid her head against the glass.

"So he let go completely?" Meg was afraid to say the wrong things.

"He abandoned me." Christine kept on walking.

"You mean, he is no longer obsessed or in love with you? Call it like you want." Meg asked and quickened her pace.

Christine looked at her strangely.

"He does not want my friendship. I have to accept that."

They decided to walk back to the hotel.

"He did not call me, so I ignored my cell phone and put it away. I did not want to wait for nothing," Christine said.

Meg felt anger build up inside her.

"It's good that he does not call you, for both of you. Maybe Erik is not even allowed to do so. His whole situation is different now. You are totally focused on him. What about Raoul or our friendship? We came here for you."

"I did not ask that from you. When I finally read your message I called you," Christine stated distantly but Meg could see tears in her eyes.

"I hate to be lost and I did not want you to see my like this. Probably I was angry with Raoul as well," she almost whispered.

"Because he is the reason you lost Erik?" Meg felt uncomfortable.

"In a way… Yes. I feel responsible for everybody's happiness and sometimes I no longer know who I am. With my decisions to get better I hurt the people I love."

They reached the hotel, before Meg could answer. When Raoul saw them he let go of his glass and stood up. Frozen in his movement he just waited for Christine and Meg to come closer. He doubted his senses, still ashamed for his unusual behavior the day before. Meg spoke first and long, telling him that Christine had called this morning and explaining to her what had happened to Raoul's head. She acted like a mediator and made their friends smile. Meg brought each of them different fruits from the buffet, making jokes and trying to ease the situation. Raoul no longer wondered which emotions he should show or how to behave towards Christine. He just asked the question he was eager to know:

"Did you ever plan to attend the workshop?"

"No. Why should I?"

"Oh Christine, we thought you planed on talking to the spirit of your dead father or to feel closer to Erik and his ways, you know," Meg broke in.

"I even expected Mr. Anderson to be him. Is Erik somehow involved in this spectacle?" Raoul had to know now.

"Absolutely not!" Christine left no doubt about her opinion of that assumption.

"But you talked to Dave about angels," Raoul remembered.

"Are you questioning my sanity?" She asked almost inaudible.

The memories came crashing back on her...

_The happiest time of my life was when I believed blindly. I was heavenly lost in wishful thinking or maybe I was glad not to think at all. My heart was overflowing with gratitude and I completely fell for the deception. My father had died and a divine intervention made perfect sense to me. _

_What would happen if the world stopped turning? In those days, I would not have been surprised at all. The pain was too strong and my father's promise meant the world to me. I had been taught that child-like faith is elementary and when he promised to send the Angel of Music I did believe him. Who was I to doubt my beloved father or the Word of God? Mama Valerius, a dear friend of my father, encouraged me to keep and deepen my faith. _

_I knew that the catechism of the Catholic Church mentions __St. Michael, St. Gabriel, St. Raphael and the_ _guardian angels and I was fond of legends about saints talking to them.__I liked it best when my father told me his own Story of the Angel of Music and played the violin. _

_I had read about people who in their dreams were visited by their deceased relatives or could for example smell their perfume and feel their presence. In grief our mind can play us tricks. Maybe those persons perceive what they need to perceive, for finding peace. Others had called those experiences a manifestation of demonic activity. But who could know for sure? What about signs and wonders? When it happened to me that I heard a voice I was terribly afraid at the beginning. So I was glad to live with Mama Valerius, who was open to talk to me about this topic. There were songs in my head and I questioned where they had come from. Was I going insane? Were they kind of memories or did I try to make something up, on a subconscious level, to prove that my father was right and did indeed send me an angel? All the time my heart screamed at me:_

_"You know the truth and it's simple. It must be or come from dad." _

_Insanity, betrayal or autosuggestion…? I knew so little and Mama Valerius did not bother herself, saying:_

_"The spiritual realm is real. You are much too innocent to be claimed by evil. I believe that you are loved and protected. Ask the voice if it is your angel and cast your cares on the Lord." _

_I felt confused. As a Christian I was not allowed to talk to dead people but should welcome an angel into my life? Mama Valerius never considered that bad things can happen to good people. Was I even good enough? She just saw my longing and hoped that the angel would save me from being dead inside. _

_I did not hesitate for long. There was nothing to lose and I was in such a need for comfort and guidance. The voice, my angel, became a mentor and friend, who said all the right things to build me up again and my voice as well. His strictness gave me structure and I started to trust him blindly. When he tested my devotion I just tried harder to prove my loyalty to him. I did not hold back anything and he answered every question I ever had. He knew so much about music, the arts, science… and my pain. _

_Oh and his… our music … For weeks I felt blessed. I was so excited and overjoyed that I could barely stand it. A new world seemed to open up. I no longer felt alone but protected and immensely encouraged… My angel inspired me and I wanted to surrender completely to this bliss, to the Devine and to music. It seemed like nothing could harm me any longer. I wondered if he could change other people's hearts and send me opportunities because everything worked out perfectly since he came into my life. So I believed to the fullest that there is a heaven and everything would turn out just fine in the end. I was convinced then that my father knew what was going on in my life and I wanted to make him and my angel proud. After all that I had been through, the feeling of wonder, ecstasy and relief was overwhelming and I felt so alive. There were no limits to happiness and I started to believe in myself and dared to trust in life again. I no longer was afraid of dreaming. I did not hope, I knew and my angel made me fly. With him I felt save enough. The voice taught me to feel the music and I did. It felt like coming home. My angel molded me and my life into a much better version, I thought. _

_I shared some of my feelings with Raoul. Living a life full of wonders made me feel confident and I trusted him to understand. My heart was so full and I just wanted him to be as hopeful and happy as I was. Oh, I never expected the outcome. My angel did not mean much to Raoul. He knew the story of the Angel of Music and I expected him to be happy for me but he did not show any respect towards the spiritual realm. I felt a bit disappointed and my angel was in rage. _

_After a while Raoul got concerned and I had to find out that my angel was a man named Erik. _

_My world came crushing down. Oh, how I felt ashamed and I still do. I am only a silly victim, nothing special, more a child than a woman. How can I ever trust myself again to make good decisions? Everything felt absolutely right but was so wrong. You cannot rely on feelings. What I expected to be holy was only a deception. I was deceived into thinking that I am happy. What was wrong with me? _

_Raoul had been right all along but even when I found out for myself it was so hard to accept the truth and to call it all a lie. I will never forget the doubting look in Raoul's eyes. Will they all ever stop pitying me? How embarrassing. I should have been on guard to prevent that all from happening. Oh, why do I still miss this illusion of happiness? _

"Christine, he doesn't want to be offensive. Raoul just tries to put the pieces together." Meg said in an attempt to get Christine's attention. Raoul nod to her words.

"It's me who attended the workshop and acted strangely yesterday," he joked softly.

"So why is that?" Christine asked much calmer than she felt.

Raoul sighed. Maybe they should leave and spend some time alone. Would she like that? He could not tell. Her dark curls were put up and her face looked heated. He was afraid that she could leave again . Her gaze was restless and wandering.

„I thought you would attend the worksop and so I did as well. Mr. Anderson really does know some techniques. I felt something," Raoul said still watching her. Did he have her attention?

Meg told her about the situation in the park and Christine listened, without interrupting. Did Raoul hope to impress her with what he had learned at the workshop? She asked him directly and knew immediately that she might have crossed a line.

Me tried to help, speaking quickly:

"Erik is capable of many things. So Raoul wondered if you might miss something in your relationship. He just wants to understand and cope with the whole situation. You felt this pull to Erik and his world, which is quite dark and…" Meg stopped for breathing.

„Just tell us, why you are here, Christine. What did you miss at home? Why could you not tell me?"

Raoul demanded to know her intentions and Christine could understand that.

"Erik ended our contact. Yes, there is this strong bond but it is painful. I was deceived for quite a time and I still have a hard time to figure out which feelings are real and healthy. I do not idealize his methods or the past but I can't simply go on with life. You want that Raoul and maybe you have to. Don't try to impress me. I could not always give my best to you at all and ..."

"Oh, but what pulls you to this man?" Raoul asked breathlessly. Was she breaking up with him?

"I'm here to find out. Have you ever heard of Henry Alec Brims?" Christine asked.

_I had not come for talking to my father's spirit. I would never find peace in this, fully expecting another deception. I could not take Mr. Anderson serious. It was Mr. Brims I was waiting for. _

"The author?" Raoul asked, looking puzzled.

"Yes and professor," Christine stated.

"Yeah, great, but why are you interested in farming?"

Christine smiled widely at him.

"Right now he writes a critical book about cults and the dangerous side of religion but he is also interested in cold reading techniques , the barnum effect and these sort of topics. So he'll come to visit the show and have a critical eye on Mr. Anderson. His colleague will talk on TV. Mr. Brims does not like the spotlight. As professor for psychiatry he works with stress and trauma patients and also with those who leave behind cults or criminal organizations; they were mentally and physically abused. He knows a lot about Erik and the case. When I talked to Mr. Fint on the phone, some weeks ago, he recommended Prof. Dr. Brims to me. I could not get to know where he works or lives. They keep it secret for security reasons. It's a farm in no man's land."

Raoul had not expected any of this. How could she keep all this from him?

"Mr. Fint, Erik's doctor?" Raoul asked, taken aback.

"I told him about the whole situation and he suggested taking time off and to stay with Prof. Dr. Brims. Of course I wanted to meet him first before I leave everything behind. That's why I am here. You see? I would help at the farm and have some time for myself. Of course I could talk to Prof. Dr. Brims a lot," Christine explained.

"Raoul?"


End file.
